In a tragic case highlighting stalking and violence, Paul Thijssen, a hockey coach, brutalised his ex-girlfriend Lilie James, a 21-year-old sports assistant, at a Sydney private school in October 2023. An inquest is delving into Thijssen’s troubling history of controlling behaviour, particularly his previous relationship with a young woman named Freya, which lasted eight months in 2021.
Initially, their relationship appeared promising, with Freya’s family perceiving Thijssen as respectful and courteous. However, concerns quickly emerged as Thijssen began showing obsessive tendencies, frequently checking Freya’s phone and demanding immediate replies to his messages. He pressured her into sharing her location on social media platforms and even proposed marriage, despite Freya’s wish to wait until marriage for physical intimacy.
Freya described her experience with Thijssen as increasingly suffocating, feeling as though he was attempting to exert control over her life. Her parents were particularly alarmed when Thijssen suggested she travel to Europe to meet him. After deciding to end the relationship in December, Thijssen responded by applying for a work visa with forged documents and even showed up uninvited at her local church.
On one occasion, after being told their relationship was over, he reacted violently, hitting a tree near Freya’s head. He was also seen outside her home on several occasions, displaying alarming behaviour. At one point, after a meeting with Freya’s father, he expressed remorse, but it wasn’t enough to quell the growing concern over his actions.
Following the murder of Lilie James, Thijssen’s actions led him to a clifftop in Sydney, where he took his own life, leaving behind handmade vouchers from his relationship with Freya, suggesting they held significant emotional value for him. The inquest has underscored the stalking behaviour he exhibited towards Ms James in the lead-up to the fatal attack.
As the inquiry continues, domestic violence experts are slated to provide insights into the case, highlighting the urgency of addressing such behaviours and the need for effective interventions. This incident serves as a painful reminder of the devastating impact of obsessive and controlling relationships.