Jemimah Hayes, a 39-year-old from Melbourne, longs for a second child, cherishing her role as a mother above all else. However, her journey has been marred by secondary infertility since the birth of her daughter, Billie, 13 years ago. Secondary infertility occurs when a woman is unable to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after previously giving birth without fertility assistance. Narelle Dickinson, a fertility counsellor, notes that this form of infertility can come as a shock, particularly for those who conceived easily the first time.
After experiencing an ectopic pregnancy following Billie’s birth, Jemimah has struggled to conceive again. The emotional turmoil from this unexpected difficulty has made it hard for her to voice her feelings of longing for another child. She feels conflicted, believing that her satisfaction as a mother diminishes her right to discuss her struggles with infertility.
Jemimah and her husband grieve the family they envisioned, which has been a challenging process. She expresses that parents who already have children often receive less empathy than those attempting to conceive for the first time. Fertility expert Manuela Toledo suggests that around half of infertility patients face secondary infertility, highlighting that it affects many families. The causes can be similar to those experienced by individuals facing primary infertility and are often linked to maternal age.
The added stress of parenting while undergoing fertility treatments compounds the struggle. Parents must juggle medical appointments amidst their existing family commitments, making it a particularly demanding journey. Dr. Toledo treats clients struggling with secondary infertility with the same gravity as first-time parents, emphasizing that their pain and desire for a larger family is just as valid.
Jemimah seeks professional support, acknowledging her feelings of loss. She advocates for the importance of processing grief surrounding infertility. Meanwhile, other parents like Patti Lupari express their own challenges, feeling inadequate for not being able to conceive a sibling for their child. Patti feels driven to give her daughter a companion, reflecting on her childhood in a large family and desiring the same for her child.
Ultimately, while families may take different forms, the deep-seated desire for more children remains a significant emotional burden for many parents. Adjusting to these realities often requires substantial emotional support, not only from professionals but also from their communities. Fertility struggles, especially secondary infertility, deserve recognition and understanding, highlighting their influence on family experiences and emotional well-being.