The tragic murder of Lilie James, a young water polo coach, by her ex-boyfriend Paul Thijssen, has prompted her parents to issue a heartfelt plea for a cultural shift in how we educate young men about respect for women. On October 25, 2023, James was brutally attacked in a school bathroom in Sydney, suffering at least 25 blows to the head with a hammer.
During an inquest into her death, Lilie’s parents, Peta and Jamie, expressed their deep sorrow and underscored the urgent need for societal change to prevent further incidents of violence against women. Jamie spoke emotionally about the responsibility of parents to instil respect for women’s autonomy and the importance of teaching sons to accept rejection gracefully. “Failing to do so could lead to disastrous consequences,” he emphasised.
Lilie’s parents mourned the loss of their vibrant daughter, who was known for her adventurous spirit and infectious humour. Peta conveyed her sorrow, saying, “Lilie, sweetpea, I am so sorry we couldn’t protect you from what happened that night,” reflecting the profound guilt and heartbreak they feel over their daughter’s death.
Coroner Teresa O’Sullivan acknowledged the powerful impact of the James family’s testimony, suggesting their participation could help save lives in the future. The inquest revealed that just five days prior to her murder, Lilie had ended their brief relationship, which had shown troubling signs of coercive control.
Thijssen, who later took his own life, demonstrated concerning behaviour leading up to the tragedy, including attempts to break into the bathroom where the fatal assault occurred. This alarming case has highlighted the critical nature of addressing toxic behaviours in relationships.
Counsel assisting the coroner, Jennifer Single SC, noted there were no clear indicators prior to the event that Thijssen would commit such violence. The coroner’s findings are expected to be released at a later date, as the inquest continues to shed light on the circumstances surrounding this heartbreaking incident.
Support services like the National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service are available for those affected. The brutal loss of Lilie James serves as a poignant reminder of the work still needed to ensure women’s safety and respect in society.